Contemplations & Reflections (with Toni Matulis)
Maroon & Gold
Bloomsburg State College (PA) - May 5, 1967
It is considered poor journalism to write something while in the heat of anger--so who's a good journalist? Have you ever had one of those days? You know the kind-- when nothing goes wrong for anyone else but where you can't get out from under the shadow of ill fate, and when you know that Someone Up There is plotting to end your life? Ever encounter a good hot day and want a Coke with a profuse purple passion? I mean you're really dying of thirst? So what do you do? Stick a dime in the Coke machine, right? You don't want to seem too uncouth, so rather than guzzle it down on the spot you go to a quiet spot, like to your office, to your desk--what could be safer, right? Wrong! "May I borrow your Look Magazine?" "Sure, take--" Plop! Onto the desk, from there to the floor. OK, one down. "Listen here," says a booming voice, "we ain't done with you yet--" Supper ends. Zip to the room, pick up the books, still in suit. Take a running zip into the lounger, fling dime into machine for muchly-awaited Coke. Coke in one hand, books in the other, head for the office (right off the lounge). Gonna make it? Put me on. You ever get hit with a football when you're carrying books and a Coke and can't defend yourself? Ever feel that ick of Coke running all over your body and beginning to stickily dry on your Cokeless hand? Ever feel like buying One More Coke and dumping it on someone when they don't even have the couth to say "Sorry"? Football on the lawns wouldn't be so bad if it is done by someone who at least knows how to catch a football; there's something about a guy who wears a football jersey and can't catch a football to save a Coke... But before I get going further on that topic, I'll go to...
Living Literature Lesson
By popular request this sporadic section of the column should be by the boards long ago, but for those few scholars o our campus here we go over the literary ox-cart road: Quote is not a quote this week, but a paraphrase (You look it up--I'm still wiping Coke off my had...) from Dostoyevsky: Dedicated to all guys who get a dumptruck of it duped on them: "A woman can put up with anything but nobility from her man." All you gentlemen of BSC take heed of that and forthwith act accordingly. Use your own interpretations.
Click, Click, Clique
Was going to call this Foolish Fairy Fable, Part LXIX (don't bother figuring it out; it is "69"), but that would perhaps start it into a regular thing, and we wouldn't want that now--Anywho, to begin: (Anyone who's heard a variation of this story, don't spoil the ending!) There once was a puddle along the road--it was a mud puddle because it was a dirt road, so expect a dirty story... In the puddle there lived two brown frogs, one with warts and one without (Yeah! Yeah! I know it's toads that have warts; this is just a story...), each at his own end of the puddle. They were not alone, tho, as they had many relatives and many friends who came to visit them in their respective ends of the puddle. "Gee," their friends would say, "what a nice puddle you've got." "Grump," the frog would answer. "Too bad you've got to share it with a neighbor. "Grump," the frog would answer. This ultimately led to a war of sorts: a cold war, but still a war. Each nite the friends and relatives from each side would gather. They would assemble and they would carry on, trying to out-grump the other side. They even had a motto. It was "Look At Me," and they carried signs to that effect. One stole the sign from another and back and forth and the signs got a real workout, but nobody bothered to read the signs. But they made a real fuss and everybody 'round about heard the fuss. They heard them because they couldn't help but hear all the noise. It wasn't even good noise; it wasn't even mediocre noise; it was just annoying noise. That was three summers ago; they're still at it. I could put a moral onto the story, something like "Don't grump unless grumped to," but I'll let you all strain your minds and send morals in--best submitted moral receives a used "Look At Me" sign and a jar of frog eggs.
Koffee House Blues
Due to the recent weather the crowds at the Bye The Way have slacked off somewhat. However, there will be an attempt made by the establishment to have one REALLY BIG blast before school ends. Plans are under way to have a troupe of performers here from East Stroudsburg o May 21. Due to the type of acts that will be presented the coffee house will open at 7 p.m. Drop Bye (Ouch!) & see what's to be seen.